insanitypatch 2.0

I woke up at exactly 1:30AM according to my alarm clock. It's now exactly 2:00AM. I woke up and felt wide awake. Not rested though, I've got that "go to sleep you moron" feeling in the back of my eyes that I usually get after 14 straight hours playing the computer. This is the first time this has ever happened to me. It's also not a good thing. Four hours until I have to get up. Sixteen hours until I finish work. I don't know how long I'll be able to keep my eyes open.

I made jelly tonight. The plan was to take a whole heap of it in to work tomorrow for everyone to share. Turns out a liter of jelly really isn't that much. I should have figured something was up when it said 250ml of water added to the crystals makes 500ml of jelly. So either people are going to have to go without tomorrow or morning I'll have eight cups that burst from slowly expanding gelatine crystals. Fuck this should be real good.

That's about it really.

It's 5:15 in the morning and I'm just getting started on some awesome beer. Never tried this brand before but it's turning out rather nice. Rather nice indeed.

Also,
WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO





That is all.

I know of precious few pick-me-ups that can rival the mix of my really bad dancing skills with some way-too-loud trance music. I feel fucking awesome.

Eh. The block is rocking so this is the abridged version. Weekend back in Melbourne was fun. I spent most of last week, right up to Saturday in fact, worrying about the horrible reunion I was about to plunge into. It worked out alright.
I kind of blew off my family a bit. Hopefully Mum was alright about it. Being home made me miss it all a tad. I haven't been able to bullshit at that level since I left Kapooka. It was nice being around people who understand my sense of humor. You know that feeling when you just sort of slot back in? Like the jigsaw piece that fell out when you moved it from the kitchen table to the lounge-room. Just goes right back in.

Bit of a shake up coming back to work. Things happen fast. My mini promotion was short-lived. I don't think they'll have the people to spare. Oh well, back to basics.

Moved on from trance. Everlong is my favourite Foo Fighters song. Makes me happy.

Blast and tarnation. I could have done this tax bullshit ages ago but no. Had to ignore it. Bugger-all. Obviously I can't do it now, its 4:30 in the goddamn AM. Regardless, at some point it'll have to get done so the Government doesn't send G-Men to break my legs.

Fuck now it wants a notice of prior assessment. I don't know where to look. My eyelids are slowly eating my eyeballs. Damn it all.
Note to self. Kill tax office. Then kill my urge to procrastinate.

It is now 5. Did I mention I have contacts? They're pretty nifty. Remarkably easy to put in when you get some practice about you. So much for my productive day off.

Damn my writing goes sideways when I'm sleep deprived. Had to edit this three times. I'm sure there's still something wrong somewhere.

Ok and now its 5:30, I know because the alarm on my phone just went off. This is when I would normally wake up.
I have a good many things to get done today and I'm beginning to realise not all of these goals can now be realistically achieved. I need more corporate buzz-words. Let's initiate a dialogue referencing our product vision.

I think we (we being me in this case) just hit the ridiculous barrier. This is when I start getting the urge to write conversations for my imaginary sock puppets. Their names are Greg and Erin. This information is irrelevant and benefits nobody. I am still capable of understanding this which I take to be a good sign.

Exposions In The Sky are still playing. They have an awful lot of music. Good music.

Good morning everybody. I may not end up sleeping at all. We shall see.

The problem with nights is the urge to sleep. Screw that. Things to do etc. etc.

Feh. Can't think of anything.

Time flies when you're having fun. Or making a fool of yourself. I think I straddle the fence between the two quite nicely.

Time is short so I'll be brief. Everything is reasonably good right now. I don't want anything to change which is where the problem lies, because everybody knows that things change. It is inevitable. I would very much like to stay here and kick it oldschool in my apartment which I am now very much attached to. I miss my dog. She's getting old and I really don't like that she's getting older and I'm not there. I miss her a lot.

My parent are talking about what I want to do for my 21st. They want to throw some big party. I'm wondering who exactly I'd invite. The friends from home I never talk to? The friends from work who are now on the other shift that I never see? Yeah that'd work out nicely. I'm feeling weird about the whole thing. I don't really want presents, I'm tossing up whether I even want to celebrate it with my family. This all makes me wonder occasionally if I'm passing up a chance at one of those special life moments. I dunno. Its all a bit muddled.
I'm liking the concept of a few quiet beers and then a couple more very raucous ones. It wouldn't be much of a 21st if I didn't get drunk and sing very badly to some good songs.

Also, why the hell does everybody I talk to think that the song "No Worries, Be Happy" is by Bob Marley? Damn people. Ya'll are ignant. Ignant damnit!

I have a blocked ear and it wont un-block. This is not a good thing. I need that ear to live.

Very tired. So very tired. But as is my custom I must put off sleep when I need it most to post. Seems like its the only time I ever do.

My masochistic sleep deprivation tendencies aside however, I now have contacts. Not enough, as they are single use contacts and I managed to think my last optometrist appointment was at 1330 when it was actually at 1030. Oh how very intelligent of me. So now I have stockpile, just another three pairs. They will just have to last me now wont they?

Played my first gridiron game (finally). Damn it was pretty fun. I didn't do much, owing to my large amount of suckage at the actual sport. That's just how I roll. Afterwards I went to some place to meet up with the other club members for dinner and drinks. There weren't many people there but they make an excellent steak. I had mine with garlic butter. Damn it was tasty.

I'm quite tired as I think I've mentioned previously, so now might be a good time to finish.

Oh wait, there was one more thing. I typed this whole post out with my eyes closed. Damn I love touch typing.

I don't know what it means but she's got multi-coloured hair.

Seems like everything is running smooth, sort of. I'm in another phase of can't-open-my-mouth-without-saying-something-stupid which sucks. Joke's on me too because even when I keep my mouth shut I manage to do something to make me want to beat my head against a brick wall. Damn I hate these phases. You know (or maybe you don't) when you're doing ok and everybody has finally stopped looking at you like you've gone blue and might pop. Then whoosh and suddenly all people will associate you with is the last time they tried to get you to do something for them and you ended up hanging from a climbing wall with only twenty feet of rope and a belayer with a look of bewilderment all over them to keep you from breaking your spine.
Its sort of like that. Or like a car crash, you can't stop it, all you can do is watch and wonder how one of the drivers managed to get a finger stuck in one of the ashtrays on the center console whilst travelling sideways at 90 kilometers an hour.

But I digress.

Apparently I need to get taught how to put in contacts. I like to imagine its so I don't accidentally blind myself. Maybe that's really a possibility. Guess I'll find out. Occasionally we hold a trivia competition at work on quiet Sundays. I've found I'm pretty good at it. I'm usually in the top three which is pretty cool considering my main competition is an encyclopaedia and a man with a brain the size of a small camel.
Its good fun anyway.

Stupid phases.
I should go to bed.

Oh wait, almost forgot. The TV show True Blood. HAHAHAHAHA. What the fuck? I shouldn't laugh, I'm getting into it actually. There is an awful lot of nakedness and that is awesome.

It's an awesome day today. The first really good day for a while here. Maybe not though, maybe I just never noticed before because I'm usually cooped up in an air-conditioned building from dawn to after dark most days. Either way, sun is shining and there's just a slight breeze.
This is all well and good until we stop to consider that I'm reporting this from inside on a computer. I probably should be outside enjoying the day. Oh well. I'll enjoy it in ten minutes or so. At least I've got my priorities in order, right? (that was me trying to be funny)

My second gridiron game is on tomorrow. Pity I wont be playing again. I can't play with glasses so I need contacts which is all well and good except they want to teach me how to put the damn things in which is going to eat up at least another week. No game for me. Sucks, but there's no ducking it unfortunately.

I went to Coles after my appointment at the optometrist. "About time!" I hear you yell, which makes me wonder how the hell you could know I've been lazy and haven't shopped in the last three weeks. I suppose it helps that you're just a voice in my head.
I've tried living on a diet of mac and cheese, pizza and water and I don't recommend it. Groceries are fucking expensive though. Damn man, I blew almost $300 on food. Maybe I'm just not a good shopper. Probably. I miss mess food. At least then the most difficult choice I had to make was whether to pick pasta or meat from the menu.

I bought Guitar Hero the other day. World Tour that is. It's not as good as GH3 though, and I'm guessing that's because they had to pick songs that were interesting and challenging for drums and vocals as well as guitar. It sucks for we few who bought the solo pack and only play guitar though. I'm going to have to rustle up a copy of GH3 from somewhere.

Oh that reminds me. My video card died the other day. I'm not sure why it chose to take its own life, I'm thinking it was tired of getting razzed by the CPU every day. I can understand that, nobody likes having to work next to a dick who spends his whole day talking smack about you.
I didn't realise he'd gone and fried himself though. It happened right after I downloaded a new graphics driver and spent three weeks trying to fix the assumed problem of driver incompatability. Eventually I got tired of being led around at the whim of the Nvidia tech support people so I just went and bought a new video card. Chucked that new sucker in and BOOM! problem solved. So now everyone is happy again. I get to use my computer, and the CPU doesn't have to sit alone at his desk sipping coffee and forwarding stupid chain emails anymore.

Yes I'm aware that giving computer hardware a personality sounds fucking ridiculous. Makes me grin though, which is a win in my book.

What the fuck ya'll lookin' at?

 

Watch Boondocks my little squeebles, it is well worth it.

This is the life. Three in the morning and I'm supposed to be up at 7. Sometimes I wonder how I manage to be so damn responsible.

Caught as I am in the web of full time work, there really isn't much to talk about. I live a life of minimal social interaction outside of the job and as a result nothing really happens.

I did manage to get the flu though. It kind of came and went really quickly though and I only managed to squeeze two days off work out of it. Although to be honest it flattened me during its brief stay in my system.

Fuck it. I have this little story about my visit to the doctor's but it sounds like mind numbing tedium now that I think about it and I really don't want this to be my little place to drone on with stuff this dry. Maybe its too late for that. Whatever.

I ordered handcuffs. Not the furry ones, proper police handcuffs because I'm nuts like that. That's probably not true but I'm kind of stretching for things to write. The handcuffs are for my fascination with locks and if they're remotely similar to the see-through cuff I already have, they'll be a goddamn cinch to open. It really is incredible what you can do with a safety pin or a hair clip when you know what's what.

That raises a good point. It took me ages to find a shop that sells and ships high quality handcuffs to Australia. I ended up abandoning the American sites and started looking at Australian suppliers but almost every one had some stupid requirement for a 'security licence' or some bullshit. One site mentioned it was illegal to possess human restraints such as handcuffs and leg irons in NSW and it made me wonder just what the hell IS legal in NSW. Fucking nothing by the sounds of things.

I can understand banning dangerous weapons, but what exactly is the problem with people owning handcuffs? And if they're so anti-handcuffs, how come NSW adult stores can still sell cuffs, albeit with some pink synthetic fluff, legally? Aren't they just as effective as restraints?
It all seems very silly to me. Very silly indeed.

That seems to have burnt up some of what precious little sleep time I have left to me. I have to be up later this morning to help a friend move into his house.

I am a chimp. A good natured chimp with little common sense and a powerful urge to just sleep through until 4pm and to hell with the consequences.

Good morning Sam, and have a wonderful four hours sleep.





And stop talking to yourself....  or don't, your call.

ENGLISH MUFFINS AND PEANUT BUTTER FUCK YEAH!

Stupid livejournal. Take three on my post and its amazing how much enthusiasm you can lose after two failed attempts to post something and have everything deleted.

I was struck with an amazing sense of peace as I opened my door and stepped back into my familiar little cave this evening. I got home and I just had this feeling that nothing mattered and I could enjoy myself for a bit. The feeling is gone but I can still enjoy myself... weekend is here! WOOO! Yes it is a Tuesday, but it is my weekend. Damn I love this shift system.

As predicted I reaped the rewards of not getting enough sleep last night. I spent a lot of the day trying very hard not to fall asleep.
The stupid thing is I can always feel dog tired at work, even when I've had plenty of sleep, but as soon as I get home I lose that pressing desire to lose consciousness and slump over my kitchen table for a few hours. I've been wide awake pretty much since I got home.

Stupid fucked up circadian rhythm. I blame you.

Damn I love not working, just being able to do whatever I want, not having to deal with other people's shit.
I had this little addendum to that last sentence floating around in the back of my head, but I figure it can stay right there. I don't particularly feel like whining about anything tonight. I'm just going to keep things on the level.

Yup. That's about it.

I'm shooting myself in the foot here, but I refuse to go to sleep just now. I want to procrastinate. It's just how I roll. Just means I get slightly less than 5 hours sleep tonight. I do this pretty regularly now because I'm an idiot, but you get used to it.

I started playing sport again which rocks. Yes I play gridiron. Yes I'm aware it's the girly-man's rugby but hell, I'm having a lot of fun. Its a fucking rush getting knocked on your arse then getting back up to fuck their shit up on the next play. My body is protesting mightily to the regular over-working it gets though. My hips are bitching constantly. Good shit I reckon.

My wireless internet has outlived its usefulness and I'm getting a land line. Cheaper, faster and much larger bandwidth so big thumbs up from me. Having my own place rocks the Casbah. Apart from  having to feed myself. I can cook, the only thing stopping me is care factor... which is ridiculously low. I think i'm going to have to start buying frozen dinners just so I can get some vegetables. I really can't be fucked cooking stuff, especially on work nights when I just want to flop into a chair and snooze. Funny how it never pans out like that anyway. I'm a retard. An irresponsible one at that.

I was going to include my thoughts on misinterpreting social situations, as I have a relevant anecdote but its rather late and I have this hatred for analysis and introspection. Irony of ironies huh?

Fuck it, I'll shut up now. That was a nice way to waste 20 minutes though.
Methinks it be bedtime finally.

Happy birthday E. Hope you have a great day.

I have my skulls, and I am so pleased. They're just like my old ones. I love my skull beads.

iliketogame.com/game/sperm-rider.htm

Check it out. You ride a giant sperm. Its very cool.

I think I figured out how to avoid hangovers, its really simple. Drink plenty of water before you go to bed.... and vomit three times in quick succession when you lie down and your balance gets all fucked up. Binge and purge baby. Its probably not the most dignified thing I've ever done but I woke up feeling a little bit shaky for a couple of minutes and other than that I was fine. I think that's a fair effort considering the amount of beer I drank.

His finger digs deep
down the hole where his nose was
and pulls out a toe.

Always be careful
when you're biting teeth with teeth.
Dead teeth tend to lose.

Bones are hard to break.
The skull is not like an egg,
takes more whacks to crack.

Brains are less squishy
and a tad bit more squeaky
than someone might guess

My order from thinkgeek came today full of cool things. Books like Zombie Haiku, which is just brilliant. I am very happy today. I have new shirts and a LASER. You have to say it in the Dr. Evil voice or it isn't a proper LASER. Ha! I'm such a dork. But it is green and funky and I can see the beam which is fucking cool at night.

I shouldn't be reading her livejournal entries anymore, but I'm compelled to read her updates. Perhaps its some masochistic urge to inflict more pain... Maybe it is, but I think more importantly it makes me happy to know she's doing what she loves. Some days though...  She mentioned



On a lighter note, I like stupid music.

I've found my new distraction from unwanted thought processes. My SNES is all hooked up and I've been getting my slant on with The Lost Vikings. Sure I've got Super Mario Allstars and A Link To The Past, they're also classics, but damn it Vikings is up there with reading Calvin & Hobbes for letting me forget everything and just have fun.

I've been wondering about this livejournal business. Its meant to be a private outlet, but I just can't bring myself to set these posts to private. I think it comes back to my hope that someone is actually reading this stuff, and maybe if I'm very lucky I'll get to talk to someone. Someone I don't know yet. I really don't need certain people reading this. Melbourne people. What does that say though? I want someone to read this but it leaves me feeling hideously vulnerable and paranoid. Oh well. Not that I ever expect those people to go looking for stuff like this.
This makes me run circles in my head, "oh fuck if they did find it, what then?" to "that's not going to happen, please be quiet now".
I think I'll go with the latter option.

Right after I break my long-standing rule to not discuss my dreams. Fuck it. Its not like I'm actually discussing them with people. This is like the little people in my brain having a quiet conversation between themselves. No-one else need know. Cool, moving right along.
I've been having this dream every few nights about going home to find someone. I really don't want to think its her, I do enough thinking about that girl without having my dreams invaded. I can't be sure though, its always a random house I don't recognise and I never find anyone inside.
Then they get weird and go off in random directions. Last night after another fruitless house search I called a taxi only to be greeted by a guy on a two seat penny-farthing which took me to a warehouse where I then taught myself to juggle, or something like that. My memory gets a bit hazy there but it had something to do with the circus. Heh. Thats not really too shabby a dream if you ignore the first part. Makes me wish I had someone I trusted to tell these things to.

Oh! Exciting news for me. I got a birthday present on.... uh damn now I'm not sure... might have been my 17th birthday. No it was my 18th, because I was 18 the December before I enlisted. Yeah, 18th birthday. I got the best goddamn gift ever in the form of these little carved wooden skulls on an elastic wrist chord. I loved those skulls but I took them to Indonesia and the humidity caused the elastic to snap while I was fiddling with them in a food court. BAM! mini skulls everywhere. I managed to grab one as a memory of what i'd lost before I buggered off before people started asking questions.

( They looked just like this: )

Anyway. Time to take my own advice and be quiet now.

My first two day holiday. Woo! Shift work is different. 12 hour work days aren't really that bad but my first day I was totally wiped. That changed pretty quickly though. I get an hour each day to go to the gym which is kick-arse, but I overdid it a bit on the first few days and I'm still aching. No sense of moderation thats my problem. I like the days on, days off system I'm on too. I worked Friday-Saturday-Sunday, got Monday and Tuesday off, work Wednesday-Thursday and get a long weekend. Rinse and repeat. Its pretty cool.

I just spent a butt-load of money at thinkgeek.com but it will be worth it when www.thinkgeek.com/books/humor/b6a9/ shows up.

I'm procrastinating again. I have furniture I bought two weeks ago still sitting around unbuilt. I don't really want to try though, my last few attempts have been pretty bad. I have a computer desk and a TV unit now, but they're both dodgy. The desk doesn't have any drawers because I fucked up the rails. I'm so handy like that.

Calvin and Hobbes is my new addiction. I bought a few of the collection books a while ago but when I look through them now they're the biggest escape. I feel so much better when I read them. About everything.